teena 008

“We’re the Holograms -- we’ll do your drugs AND your boyfriend.” L.A.‘s favorite electric slumber party -- The Holograms -- don’t make this promise / threat / warning / guarantee until the middle of track #8 on their debut album, but if you’ve made it that far then you’ve probably figured out that they’re actually serious. An overdose of pilled-up pop and toxic teenbeat, Night Of 1,000 Ex-Boyfriends sounds like it was unleashed by a gang of unsupervised twelve year olds who’ve spent the past two years starving to death on a diet of wine coolers, Spaghetti-O's , and Teddy Grahams while staggering recklessly through the naughty nocturnal wonderland that exists on Cahuenga Boulevard between Sunset and Hollywood. The cheerleader-charged “My Sharona”-meets-Gary Glitter sugarpop of the opening “Are You Ready For It” (which tackles such Hello Kitty-friendly lyrical issues as “cherry pies and whipping cream”) hardly sets the stage for the rest of the set, in which the girls reveal their whacked-out party plans via forays into nonsensical nightclubbing habits (“Scene Whore”), pills ’n’ thrills (“Weekend Bender”), obnoxious late night phone calls (“Drunk Dial”), and necrophilia-obsessed boy toys (“Death Boy”). Produced in random spurts of intolerance by the tenacious tag team of the Dwarves’ Blag Dahlia and Bradley Cook (Foo Fighters/Distillers/Ataris ), the album explodes with monster-sized guitar riffs, cute-but-kinky vocals, and an unhealthy obsession with getting wrecked on school nights, and -- in the end -- successfully captures the sonically-satisfying results of Josie And The Pussycats getting gang-banged by the Misfits. Perhaps crazed scenemaker/record producer Kim Fowley actually knew what he was talking about when he proclaimed “the Holograms prove once and for all that Satan must be female.”